F.B.O.W.

This weeks F.B.O.W. is our very own Jessica who wowed us Sunday night in Jason's dream sequence and is off to an amazing start this season thus far.

SPOILER ALERT

Well not really, more of a teaser compliments of LaffaBrown via PerezHilton.

Where You From You Don't Know Gator?

I know Tommy has not been a fan favorite thus far, but I think he redeemed himself somewhat this week. First off I'm not mad at him for offing Joe Lee and his momma. They were bad people. Was Joe Lee on V or something? The guy took some serious licks before finally going down. He was like Stalone in Rocky V "Aye yo Tommy, I didn't hear no bell." Well he heard that pipe loud and clear as it slammed him upside his dome. Where he really shined though was when he transformed into the gator in the back of the van and scared off Andy like them boys from Reno 911.

Laffa killed me when Marnie asked what happened to her and he responded with "Hooker you pissed off another vampire and then you took a god damn nap!" Vintage Laffa!Marnie delivered the "my dog ate my homework excuse" saying it wasn't her who messed with Eric and Pam, she was taken over, she was just a conduit. Yeah let me tell you Marns, that one never works. The whole "It wasn't me, someone must have stolen my credit card and gone to that club while I was passed out at home on the couch and then put it back in my wallet the next day" line never works.
Pam wants her so bad! "You fuck with my face it's time to die!" Sookie's Gran told her that Eric's condition was only temporary though, will that be the same for our beloved Pam? Does anyone still say "wud" so long as she keeps the veil down? I'm on the fence.






I'll tell you what I "WUD" do...I'd let Hoyt, his mom and every last hillbilly B out at Hot Shot ride me if it meant a shot at Jessica. I'd even take a run at Tommy's dead momma so long as I had some smelling salts and strong heater if it meant me hearing Jessica tell me she wanted me in her mouth. That dream of Jason's was AMAZE! More to come I hope.
Eric's bad dream was pretty Amaze in its own right. Sookie looked unreal but ghost or not I didn't like Eric's dead maker going all Swayze on her touching her leg and all. I thought we were finally gonna see some twisting between Eric and Sook but then I remembered the disclaimer from the start of the show and put the lotion down.

Alcide was paid a visit by the leader of the pack but he wasn't buying in. I liked the free agency line. Looks like his V-head girlfriend Debbie is gonna be back on the pipe soon though. Really want to see more from the big dog.

So Jesus wanted to go back to Grandpa's to finish his training like some gay wicken version of Luke Skywalker headed back to the Degoba System. In tow is his lover Laffa, who somehow ditched the mohawk and came out with his bags packed looking like the lost third member of Kriss Kross.

I don't blame them for getting out of town, and I really don't know why Tara is still there. Odd choice of words I thought for her to use when she told Sookie she had permission to handcuff her to the bed if she ever cam back to Bon Temps. Does she not remember the last time she was handcuffed to a bed?

T's mom was back with her new hubby the Reverend. "What do you mean you people?"
Apparently Sage smoke is the Tussin of exorcism because when Arlene told her they were trying to get rid of a ghost not a demon she said "oh yeah it works on ghosts too." Just let that tussin get in there. I don't care if they got the Pope to go in there and bless the joint, any kid is gonna be fucked up if he has to grow up listening to his parents making like H-Town and "rockin, knockin da boots" like that.


So we learned some cool vampire history this week. There were vampire priests, nuns etc. Apparently vampires always position themselves in places of power these days those seats being located at Google and Fox News. Classic.

I love this Katie and I gotta give Bill props for manning up and going in to glamor Marnie like that when he was well aware of the danger she posed.
Thanks to Portia we also learned that 42 states have repealed their incest laws. So we got that going for us...which is nice.
And lastly Gators love marshmallows.

Some of my favorite quotes not mentioned above:
Jason: As much as I love it, everything bad that's ever happened to me is because of sex.


Tommy: It's in the Ten Commandments, don't kill shit and don't fuck with your parents. I did both!

Pam: I'm sorry Eric.

Line of the episode though of course was Jessica to Jason: I want you in my mouth.
I'm still thinking about that scene. If someone calls me into the conference room I'm gonna have to "take the zero."

F.B.O.W.

Hello...is it me you're looking for?

Last seen drunk off his ass on Fairy Blood. Eric drunk with super powers was way better than drunk Superman. The scene in the pond was one of my favorite of all time. I love how he snapped into protective mode when he saw Alcide. Then goes back to child like Eric uttering "I don't feel so good." Sookie telling Alcide to stop making that noise was classic. He can't help it, he's like Brian Griffin on Family Guy when he is around black people.


Sookie trying to get him to go to bed hit home for me. I was waiting for him to ask her to read him a story. Loved how she hushed Alcide after she shut the cubby door quietly as if she just got the baby to go down for the night.
Speaking of kids... Why was Terry so upset at little Rene's artwork. If I was him I'd be celebrating like this guy below after seeing the doll decapitation and now the Danny Torrence impression.

Also along the same lines, little Emma isn't Sam's daughter but having a kid def is not a deal breaker when it comes to Luna. She is amaze! I'd risk the werewolf babydaddy drama too. She had things "shifting" in my pants for sure. On the more dysfunctional side of things I have to admit while I have not been a big fan of Tommy, his conversations with his mom were priceless. First he showed up shouting "Mom, MOMMA" like Smokey from FRIDAY and then rambled on all proud of his new literacy. You knew Joe Lee was gonna be back at some point though. That guy creeps me out. How sick did Pam look in this scene? PRAYING she can get her grill fixed. Still wud I think even with the missing skin.
She was her usual sultry self dropping F bombs and asking Marnie "are you retarded?!" Then there's Marnie who just pissed off another powerful vampire then passed out like Bernie when the music stopped in Weekend at Bernie's 2. Jason delivered some of his best work to date as he pleaded for his release and talked about having "the sex" for the first time. Then he went all Dutch from Predator sharpening sticks and then attacking from the tree ala Jared Allen on Relentless Pursuit.
You gotta do a little more than rub some dirt on your chest though Jason to cover your scent. Jason is no more a Panther than Coach Eric Taylor is, but did you notice the chemistry between him and Jessica when she helped revive him? Booya! Poor Hoyt.

Poor Alcide also, always the GBF. Vampires always get the girls. It was like a mini Twilight scenario there with the Sookie, Alcide, Eric triangle. Lastly Mona helped Bill realize he's been tagging his great, great, great, grand daughter. In this world of "uncle daddy's" and "momma Kitties" I'm not so sure it's all that bad, but Bill went right back to his old go to Sookie. Yeah he was looking for Eric but I think he was also paying a little bootie call too. You notice how Bill is always looking for someone he lost. "Where's Eric...Where's Sookie!" Guy is a mess. I def would not let that dude hold my killa tape. Yo Bill...How you ain't got my shit when I let you hold it man?
Loved Andy asking for a Red Bull. That was great. Laffa's continued reluctance to buy into the whole witch thing cracks me up too. In the first attempt to channel the spirit he threw his hands in the air all sarcastically as if to say yeah yeah here's my magic bitch get on with it.

Next week looks like Godric is back and telling Eric to feed on Sookie, but it sounded like Bill's voice. So much went down can't wait to hear what you all think.

A few Quotes I loved and didn't mention above:

Hot Shot Chick: You're the best I ever had...NEXT!

Bill: Necromancy is no joke!

Nan: Remember Salem? We thought it was a big deal then, turned out it was just a bunch of neurotic Puritanettes that needed a good lay.

Which Witch

Leigh TY for reminding me. I totally forgot to add this pic to the recap. I went to all the trouble and forgot to put it in. Was yet again one of those awkward moments when my wife walks into the family room to find me standing in front of the TV taking pictures of the screen. But here are some stills I got of Marnie's face changing. Eric def recognized her.

F.B.O.W.

A real creature of the night, this week's F.B.O.W. is none other than Lindsay Lohan who posed for this vampire themed photo shoot by Tyler Shields not long ago.

You Killed My Fairy Godmother!!!

OK let's start off right at the top with Eric the Innocent. I loved the contrast between the fearful perception Laffa still had for his thousand year old nemesis all while Sookie a.k.a. "Snookie" and we the viewers knew the real truth, that Eric had been emptied of all that he was by Marnie and the coven. He showed some real emotion as he recounted that everything that he was had been taken from him. Poor guy looked like Dr. Richard Kimble Should Sookie have been able to break his nose though? I would have thought she would have smashed her hand on his face. The cold water doesn't bother his feet but he is ticklish? Even if he did lose some of his powers, he still could run fast. So what gave with the Marcia Brady impersonation? Of course the one thing Sookie can find of Jason's that would fit Eric has no sleeves. The hoodie and his sudden lack of brain power reminded me of Emilio's in Breakfast Club. I thought this Marnie was fooling us all with the black outs and dumbest witch routine like some wicken version of Kaiser Soze, but we saw as she cut herself how desperate she was to have real power. We also finally got a good look at who had come into her body and rewound Northman's vampire VCR. The same woman seen in the mirror as Marnie washed her cuts was the one whose face we saw flashing across Marnie's last week. She may end up choosing Marnie as her conduit and return to the human world like the second coming of Vigo the Carpathian.

I'm not sure if Bill sent Eric into the coven intending for him to get hurt or not. What's for certain is he is in deep dog shit for having done so as Nan noted. Don't forget Eric has friends in "high places."

Bill has a new friend though. Love a woman who knows what she wants. Wonder why he didn't bite her though when she offered her neck to him? Is he taking it slow? Does biting a human while twisting constitute some sort of emotional step? The vampire baseball/sex metaphor seems to be very unclear. First base is bite, second base twist, third base what? Glamor the shit out of you so you forget it even happened and tell you to lose my number?

Pam delivered maybe the line of the show's history as she threatened Tara, Laffa and Jesus. "I'll give you 24 hours to deliver this witch to me or I will personally eat, fukk and kill each one of you1" BAM! That's how you threaten someone. Not like Andy ala Bon Temps Pookie threatening to write Sam tickets for overgrown trees. Man was he tweaked or what? Was not a fan of the dress though she was wearing, but did dig the spiked leather look. Speaking of weird leather clothes...Laffa, Edward Scissor Hands called and he wants his pants back bitch!

Tara isn't interested in Sam's "unit" or any other unit for that matter as we know.

Jessica and Bill shared a tender reunion, but did you notice the sound of the vampire caught on video being given the tru-death in the background as the two of them cuddled on the couch. It was subtle but well done and perhaps a bit of foreshadowing. I worry about my beloved red. She's never been one to adhere to the rules and showed her lack of ethics when she glamored Hoyt. She's on a slippery slope that one. The time may soon come when Bill is faced with a very difficult decision.

Tommy, yawn, kid is still up to no good. If I was Sam I wouldn't be turning my back on him like that anymore.

I knew that doll was going to come back as soon as we saw it last season on the floor of Hoyt and Jessica's new house. That thing looks like the offspring of Chucky and his bride. Keeps popping back up like the Tiki idol from when the Brady Bunch went to Hawaii.

I'm not sure who had it worst, Jason Stackhouse with Crystal or Paul Sheldon from Misery. Def Paul, Jason get's twisted it looks like by then entire female population of Hotshot including one who threatens to Bobbit him next week if he puts up a fight. How great was Ghost Daddy's voicemail message? "This is Officer Stackhouse, if this is an emergency dial 9-1-1 and ask for me."

Lastly what's with these fairies. Are they hot B's or are they those weird goblin things? Eric's "sorry" was reminiscent of Bluto's apology after smashing the guitar on the steps of the Delta house. "I gave my love a chicken, that had no bone, I gave...." I did like the return of my man Alcide. Sookie was lookin' good son! All dolled up for her man, only to get shocked by Debbie. That was cold Alcide. For someone who "runs hot" that was cold blooded.

Enough of my ranting. What did you think? I read some criticism from some people who think the show has gotten away from its original caliber of story telling and has become a monster free for all. I'm still a fan. More freaks more fun.

Oh BTW the website is "real" http://www.vamps-kill.com/

Some other notable quotes:

Eric: I am grateful for this.
Sookie: Whatever.

Laffa: This ain't just any fanger, this is ERIC FUKKIN NORTHMAN! Ain't no police can touch him.

Redneck: www dot vamps, hyphen, kill dot com!

Eric: (After crushing Pam)Be nice to her.

Andy: God grant me the serenity to...ah fuk it!

Alcide: In this economy you go where the work is.

Tommy: You got a card Paul?

Bill: Check please!

F.B.O.W.

Soledad Miranda in Vampyros Lesbos (Jess Franco, 1971)
An erotic horror tale about a vixen vampiress seducing and killing women to appease her insatiable thirst for female blood.

Never saw this one but just added to my Netflix Queue!

There's a New Sheriff In Town

Pam might not be able to walk into one but what she said was church this week. While unintentionally echoing the lyrics of 50 Cent and Justin Timberlake who once sang "Ayo, I'm tired of using technology," she laid out on of the largest issues facing vampires today, fukkin technology. She of course was talking about the dude with the iPhone prohibiting them from getting violent with he protesters, but I think it also was a nod to the movement we learned about headed by Nan and the development of things like Tru Blood.
While vampires like Pam yearn for the old days, ones like Nan have been busy recruiting vampires like Bill who want a different way of existence. If I may once again refer to Mr. Cent and Timberlake's ballad, Nan was all over Bill like "Baby this a new age, you like my new craze. Let's get together maybe we can start a new phase." So it was bills job all along to unseat the king and queen. To help usher in a more P.C. breed of vampires. Democrats if you will who want to change the old ways that seemed to work.

Love landlord Northman..."I'll see to it that gets repaired." Guy can make an entrance can't he? Marnie though got him good though didn't she? It was like she did her own wicken version of glammorring. Then she snaps to and claims she blacked out and didn't remember what happened like Will Ferrel in the debate scene from Old School. I don't buy this whole routine by her though. I think she is well aware of her powers and the whole Innocent/blacking out thing is reminiscent of Ed Norton's character Aaron from Primal Fear who claimed to "lose time" and experience similar blackouts when his alter persona would take over. She scared the fangs off E.N. though didn't she. That was wild.

I like the whole light/dark magic aspect Jesus explained. Can you be lured into dark magic though like a Jedi can be seduced by the Dark Side? Confusing this story line is.

Luna...wow. Although I'm a little worried we may learn a disturbing secret down the road. When she started sharing her old school Navajo roots and how she shifted into her mother, I wondered what if she was born a boy and has been living as her mom? That would make my skin walk right the fuk out the room. Until then I am going to fully enjoy the naughty school teacher aspect.

Tommy wants to be brothers and Sam said they need to chip away at it like Shawshank. Not sure of standing nude in the woods together is the best way to begin the healing process but whatever.


I would think fantasia would have better bathrooms than that. Some private stalls etc. Those blue stalls reminded me of my high school bathrooms. Not even a guy offering gum or breath mints? Come on!
Jessica's development has been tremendous so far though. When she walked into the club the room pulsated as she seemingly called out to her boy toy.

Speaking of eating who you want, good on Bill for giving the procurer the night off so he could get on his buxom spy. I was waiting for him to turn on the vampire twist speed though instead he just kept it human like. Maybe you have to work up to that kind of throw down. Interesting he didn't tell Nan about Sookie's secret. I'm really loving the flashbacks especially the one that showed Bill call in his human gun men to finish what he couldn't.

Never was a big fan of Crystal but I did like seeing her all hopped up on V. How bout that nut job Timbo licking Jason. I couldn't help but see Arnie from What's Eating Gilbert Grape, whenever he came on screen. "Match in the gas tank, boom boom!"









What was with Sookie seeing the evil fairies/goblins coming at her when Tara surprised her? i too liked the way Fairy Sook talked but we need some more clarity on what went down in Tinkerbell Hell.



So much to cover, I'm overwhelmed. My hand is shaking like Andy's DT's. I'll leave it to you all to fill in the blanks.

My fav quotes:

Jason: It's not that I don't appreciate all the licking cause I do I'm just more of a
band aid kind of guy.

Protester: I am a Christian god damnit!

Sookie: You're snipers didn't mention you had company.

Bill: Eric has friends in high places.

Nan: Go clean yourself up, you're covered in queen.

Pam: Did I miss something are we girls now, did we join a book club and read some queer chicklet memoir so now we're bonded together by estrogen?

Sookie: Thanks for the advice but I will never be Eric Northmans puppet!
Pam: Mmmm shame for you then. He pulls good string.

Eric: There is no behind my back I am everywhere
Marnie: What's in it for me?
Eric: I said this was a deal not a negotiation. Lafayette do I negotiate?!?!