BEEN THERE, DONE THAT

A little Walking Dead tribute to start the week off.

I almost wanted to give this episode the True Death after that brutal opening scene where the Authority bickered about what to do with Eric and Bill like a bunch of amateurs while the two subjects of conversation were still in the room. Send them back to their cells for Christ's sake or at least ask them to "ear muff"it. Why show a divided front in front of two such dangerous adversaries who could potentially use such differences to pit you against each other. That was some weak sauce-stin powers bullsh-t right der. I half expected Scott and Dr. Evil to chime in.

Roman quickly salvaged the scene though by spouting off some knowledge about how suffering does not cure an appetite for power it exacerbates it. (Side note: His foot soldiers def. are vampires going back to the season opener...those ropes were totally superfluous on the docks.)


Let me be the first to say I could not be more disappointed with the new Nan Flannigan. Reverend Birdcage? Dayum! I guess our days of seeing the American Vampire League's spokesman getting mic checks by russian proskies in the back seats of limos whilst addressing the media are over. Now we're stuck with Newlin. I did like his line about how humans are motivated by fear and are willing to believe just about anything they want to hear like how Elvis was spotted buying turkey jerky in a 7-Eleven in Yakima last Thursday.  Roman has him on a short leash for now though knowing all too well what it was like to be a new vampire wanting nothing more than to feed, fu-k and kill.

With Salome twisting everything with a set of fangs, maybe Roman wanted one less gun in his arsenal that shoots straight. Do you think he is her maker? Regardless, he didn't seem to mind her twisting out both Eric and Bill though did he? All part of the show folks, I guess. He did call her his secret weapon so there is much more to their relationship to be revealed.

And how about the two take down scenes orchestrated by Roman's weapon of mass seduction?  Poor Bill got the boiler room shag like he was Kit Deluca still turning tricks on the street while Eric got the penthouse suite play date a La Vivian Ward. Bill had the last laugh though didn't he as he teased Eric about getting his sloppy seconds?

Perhaps the best scenes this week were those which showed us how Bill and Eric first met. Eric came calling on Pam and as they walked in on Bill and Lorena we saw that it was the two of them who Pam had cursed last week when she walked in to find one of her girls drained and damned "them."

The chemistry between Eric and Pam was evident even in their earliest moments together, as he could not hold back a grin as she demanded $500 for each girl Bill and his maker sucked dry, essentially draining them right back financially.

Pam was intoxicated with not only Eric's looks, but the life he lived and went to extremes to force his hand to turn her. She wanted Eric to help her fill her empty life with meaning as the life of an aging madam did not appeal to her.

Speaking of voids being filled, we met the woman who like the title and theme of this episode focussed on, made him who he is. Ms. Stealer (Melinda Page Hamilton a.k.a. Anna Draper) was very appropriately named as she was the one who sort of stole Jason's innocence, at the time I'm guessing following the death of he and Sookie's parents, when he was feeling empty inside.

She taught Jason how to use sex to cope with any obstacle life would throw at him. Got a problem? Fuk you lay me. My grandma was killed by a vampire...fuk you lay me. I'm addicted to V and was gang raped by my shifter girlfriend and her entire family? Fuk you lay me.

This revelation paved the way for one of the best interactions between Jason and Jessica. I can't believe I ever would applaud a scene where Jason turned down a chance to play thunder hips with big Red but I loved how she went from licking his ear to letting him bend hers about what it was that was bothering him, although even if she went and put on Pam's dirt soaked Wall-Mart sweat suit caked with Tara's blood I would have had a hard time staying...well, not hard.

With Jason, the mechanical bull ride, temporarily out of order, Jessica should have plenty of time to go after what appeared to be a sort of European fairy pimp who was picking up some supplies for his "sisters."

Shannon Osbourne cracked Eric's sister and got her to confess to being a part of the Sanguista Movement. Loved the back and forth where Sharon told her "in Texas honey of you find yourself in a hole the first thing you do is stop digging." Followed by Nora writhing with pain and spitting back, "As we say in Surrey, sod the fuk off you cunting twat!"

I gotta admit, Sharon sort of grew on me during this scene, especially after she mentioned to Nora how she wouldn't ever pass on a chance to take a bite out of her Sheriff/King vampire manwich.

One of the best cameos so far this season was the appearance of Tina Majorino as the Authority's tech geek who fitted Eric and Bill with the cleverly named iStakes and surprised them when she revealed that there was indeed an app for administering the true death remotely. Let's just hope she doesn't have a bad temper and get trigger happy after getting hot with a lengthly triple word score on Words With Friends or something, because like she said, Eric and Bill are too cute to be goo.



To close out the week, here are a few pros and cons from the episode I noted.

Pro: Salome telling Bill his "rise" has been quite impressive followed by zoom to through the pants vampire sex.

Con: Her sharing with Bill the story of her fukked up family and her mother her gift wrapped her to be raped by her perving uncle.

Pro: Sookie going street-fighter on Pam and winning round one with a massive Hadoken to dome. Then Pam showing her vintage gift with words and telling her patrons to continue dry humping each other or buy some more of her overpriced drinks or to just get the fuk out. (And how about those text messaging skills?!?!)

 

Con: Hoyt in a mesh shirt and guy-liner.

Pro: Eric and Pam's flashback showing how they fell in love, the memory of which forces a single tear of blood to run down the side of sleeping Pam's cheek in what was a very touching moment.

Con: Pam's stable of whores longingly watching Eric smooth talk their boss, lip herp sore and all.

Pro: Lafa back in the kitchen cookin' up good food and better one liners like "these beans is colder than titties in a brass bra."
Con: The return of his brujo face followed by him channeling Big Love's Wanda and trying to put Draino in the gumbo.

Pro: Sookie came clean and owned up to offing Debbie to Alcide.
Con: Alcide fought off the urge to wolf out on her and basically abjure her too. Prob went and crushed a few sixers of Blue Moon.

Con: Tara trying to commit suicide by tanning bed.

Pro: Pam finally being forced to adhere to her responsibilities as a maker.

Pro: Ms. Stealer offering Jason a chilled drink from the half box of wine she had in her fridge.

Con: Jason's earliest sexual memory now clouded in shame instead of celebrating it like he previously had. A wise man, Dirk Diggler once said, "Everyone's given one special thing." You deserve to be a star Jason, a big bright shining star.

Whew, that was a lot to clean off my plate, but I still have plenty of room for your comments. Let em rip and don't get distracted!