FATTIES FIRST!!!

So hopefully like Alcide, I had you all saying "I waited so long for this." Now that my review is posted though, I hope the outcome is not the same as Abs-cide's was.

Can't say I've ever puked on a girl before, but if drunkenly peeing on one while still asleep all the while yelling "RELAX I PUT THE SEAT UP" is knowing how to "treat" a lady... consider me Leon Phelps.

Speaking of mid-sleep accidents, Seeing Jason in his He-Man PJ's really took me back to the days of underoos and marvel universe pajamas. Where the nostalgia wore off was when his dead mother asked him "Do you want a little sex? Sex always makes it feel better doesn't it? Not even a blow job?"

I'll tell you who wouldn't have turned down a BJ after what he went through, even from a dead chick...Alcide. The way Sookie left him hanging in the wind gave all new meaning to the term coitus interruptus.  I'm sure he would have jumped at the chance to plug in the heater and crack the smelling salts if it meant getting rid of his blue balls.

How great was Eric during that whole scene. From teasing the big bad wolf about his misfortune to later dismissing him saying "well we don't need your permission wolf!"

A read through of the various True Blood blogs out there reveled a great little spoof that made it through the editing room door. When Sookie is losing it and the three men in the room start barking at each other, you can see Eric, Bill and Alcide actually laughing in the shot through her fingers. Classic.

Jessica and Tara shared a few laughs as the seasoned redhead helped the nubile newbie vampire turn her frown upside down. This I think was my favorite scene this week. I am really enjoying this season's dedication to giving us a more in depth look into the lives of these vampires, from the intense relationship between maker and progeny to the period of feeling alone and confused when one is first turned, as discussed by our two fanged femmes this week.


How much did you love their discussion about what it's like to feed and fu-k and the same time? Jessica was the first to mention it on this show, but George Costanza was way ahead of the curve years ago if you recall.

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Hot Pants was put on hold though when Tara sunk her fangs into Hoyt.  I'm not sure what the odds makers had the fight at, but I have to go with Jessica. My series long crush aside, she has age and experience as a vampire on her side and has tangled with other fangers before. Throw in her history with Hoyt and you had a recipe for some serious ferocity. Tara could lean on her brief MMA career but in the end Big Red will prevail. I have a feeling they will be besties soon enough though don't you?

The Iraq scene was very disturbing, but it did produce the newest member of the Supe's in the form of the Ilfrit which was a bonus. I was so happy to see the Smoke Monster got another acting gig after the conclusion of LOST.

Switching gears over to the Authority now, Bill made a great point when he forcibly asked Eric why Nora was still alive. Roman seems to be hiding something. While I don't think he is a "traitor" I think he knowingly turned a blind eye at some point to the Sanguinistas to perhaps garner support for his platform. Reminds me of the Pearl Harbor advance-knowledge conspiracy theory which contends the government was aware of a possible threat prior to the attack on December 7, 1941, but did nothing so they would have something to rally public support for entering into the war. Maybe he just wanted to make his bad ass speech.

Speaking of unprovoked aggression, Sam and Luna getting merked by the Obama Boys was tragic. At least little Emma got away. I'm pretty sure Luna is donezo which will surely pit Sam against Lady Ozzy and the pack for control. She is the grandmother though so Sam doesn't have much of a leg to stand on.

It took him awhile but Jason finally put it together that his parents murder was just one in a long history of toe tags handed out by Vampires and other supers. Along the way he and Andy did have some great moments once again.

Oh Lafa, you can't catch a break. Someone needs to explain to me why Jesus's mouth is sewn shut and what his head is doing on Lafa's momma's bedroom dresser. Did anyone else catch the various insulting voices insulting emanating from the shrine that looked like a house party at Jobu's house gone bad? There was the female voice that said "You're fukked now," but the capper was the voice that sounded like Chow from The Hangover who said "Life is suffering bitch!"

So much went down this week as usual I'm now going to just rip off some of my other favorite moments.

Poor fukkin' Doug. First I thought he was a werewolf too, but turns out he's just a 9-5 grunt for Alcide's company.

Eric's comment about New York City

Forgive me Guardian but the Sanguinistas are gaining ground. They are recruiting followers even amongst your closest allies.

So Hello Old Friends! Do you remember me? I hope you help finish what i started this week. After an off week for many of you I'm expecting big things.