IN DA CLUB

Go, go, go, go go, go, go, Terry
It’s not your baby.
So don’t party like it’s your baby.
Arlene’s gonna sip Wiccan juice to kill her baby.
And you know she don’t give a fuk about Rene’s baby!
Bill you can find Sookie in the Club. Bottle of True Blood mama
Jesus got the V and is into takin drugs
Lafayette’s into having sex, but he ain’t into makin goblin love
Tarah tells Sam come give me a hug, it’s time we got into getting rubbed.

Gotta say that I was very underwhelmed with this week's episode. There was enough to save it from being a total bomb but barely.
Loved when Yvetta comes to free Sookie. Sookie says she thought Yvetta was on Eric's team to which she says "Him? Big blonde stupid I hate him!"
Who would have guessed she was a cardiologist. Apparently the medical boards are true false in her country because a smarter person would know that stealing the money was a bad idea. No doubt they have exchanged blood, so Eric and Pam should be able to track her down no problem.

Jessica surely won't have to worry about losing Hoyt as she feeds on him and all his V enhanced muscles. She tells him she is into human blood and isn't going to change. Hoyt offers himself up and a pretty hot scene ensued. Summer did everything she could to lure him in, including showing him her "best underwear." Maxine, Hoyt's mom, still seems hell bent on taking Jessica down. Next week our girl is going to have to fight for her life it looks like.

Someone needs to tell Arlene you don’t cast and reel in a line when you have a bobber on. She talks to her mom in her dream state but still has the little critter growing inside of her. Was interesting to note how Holly poured out the ring of salt to protect them, much like Laffa’s ancestor did to keep from having to share her bed with her master.

Andy tells Tara he "used to drink hot sauce right out of the bottle...that was a good time."Tara tells him she knows about Eggs, but I think she also sees that Andy really was torn up about not being able to stop Jason from shooting him. He tells her that Jason didn't know what was going on and was just trying to do the right thing.


Holly took the salt, but Tara had no problem taking down shot after shot of Tequila, even after Sam tells her to go home. Sam calls Terry a shell shocked mother fuker and all of a sudden sounds a lot like Tommy. Tommy says Sam is nothing but Joe Lee in a Sam suit. That was pretty good. But then later on while his brother and Tara are getting reacquainted we see Tommy breaking into Sam's safe. Guess we now know what he stole when we saw him flying out of Sam's office window in the shape of an owl.

Jason is also getting robbed, of his high school records, by a V using cheat. I knew this was going to come ou. I had a feeling back when Jason caught him and Tammy twisting in Merlotte's parking lot. Kitch's coach gets him the V and his parents are paying for it. NO DOPE, NO GLORY he tells Jason.
I can't stand watching uncoordinated actors playing athletes on screen. I guess if you are on V you only need to do the old one step drop, yell "Huyyt" over and over and throw like a 5 year old. Watching Kitch throw was as brutal as watching Tom Cruise throw a baseball in War of the Worlds. I know know why my friend who is an actor lists "running" as a skill on his resume.
The only thing saving this scene was the amazing Tammy. I would sit and watch her try on outfits all day if she let me.


Jason realizes that maybe dating a werepanther isn't that much worse than dating a shoplifter. Bad news is he probably will have to invite Crystal's double cousin Buford to the wedding. After learning he was the one Jason saw chewing on the deer carcass, I'm pretty sure he isn't going to be satisfied with the "Chipper Chicken" Franc.




Lastly Eric convinces Russel to make a deal. They agree to call their thousand year blood grudge a draw and Eric will show him how to walk in the sun. They both feed on Sookie and after seeing Eric on the security camera he is so excited he tells Pam he feels like a child. I feel like Russel had the brains of a child falling for this trap. The whole scene where Eric tells Bill to punch him was pretty hackneyed. The plan was solid, but the execution was poor. I was shocked to see Russel fall for it, but then I recalled that he has been toting around a jar full of Talbot soup and taking it to museums. So...


There were a number of problems I had with the ending scenes and the episode as a whole. First off why would Eric keep silver chains in his own club. Do the werewolves keep silver bullets behind the cash register at their bar? Way too much Sam and Tara. We get it Sam you're drunk. Tara you're still a train wreck. Go fuk off camera please. Way too much time spent on the conversation between Hoyt's mom and Summer. Eric shares a moment with Pam before stepping outside and he points out that she is crying. She tells him its "the bleeds," but I didn't see any blood. In fact it was a clear tear she shed.
Proof was when she wipes her face there was no smudge. We all no when vampires wipe away their tears, the blood smudges. Later on as she watched Eric walk into the sunlight we see her correctly crying blood as well as suffering from the bleeds out her nose. Lastly when Eric puts the silver handcuffs on Russel, how is he able to take them out, first place them on his own wrist, then Russel's, without so much as a wince of pain.

What saved the end for me though was the bond and love between Eric and Pam. It's so much more legitimate and believable than the bubble gum love Sam and Sookie display when they talk about a life together while driving in her car. Pam stole the show this week from her opening fight with Bill...









to the her tender moments with Eric.

Sookie talked about how she saw a different side of Eric when Godric died on that roof. We see it again as he says his goodbyes to Pam. "Fuckin fairies...who knew?" Russel steps out into the sun saying goodbye to thousands of years of only night only to be trapped by Eric. He tells Russel to be brave and they will die together.
Is this the end for Eric? Surely Russel gets got, but was Pam not letting bill feed Sookie for some predetermined reason? Does Jessica have to kill Hoyt's mom in order to save herself? Or does Hoyt take a bullet to save Jessica, dying by his own mother's hand. Does his mom quote Cliff Huxtable and tell him, "Hoyt, I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out!" Does Jason end up stopping Kitch from breaking his record? Perhaps he tells the LSU coach about his V habit. Although I'm sure that's not the worst thing LSU's players are doing these days.
Imagine how good our own Mutedric would have been with a little V on game day.
Does Tommy rob Sam blind and sail away on his yacht with Natalie to Ibiza. Or better yet he meets up with Yvetta. Does Arlene's baby come out wearing a reflector vest sporting a goatee and a machete? Where is Alcide? Do Jason and Crystal save the community of Hotshot? I really don't know where they are going to leave us in two weeks, but I am excited to hear what you all think.

LET ME IN

Let Me In Trailer - Watch more Movie Trailers

With only two episodes left we are going to be looking for something to fill our lust for the True Blood in the coming months. Amongst a deluge of vampire themed movies this one I came across is by far the best I've seen. Makes Twilight look like Bambi. The garbage bag mask is going to keep me up at nights.

POOKIE not SOOKIE

After my New Jack reference in this week's recap I couldn't help myself. Lafayette could have run Nino Brown out of the Carter with that V. As long as he wasn't getting high on his own supply like Pookie did.

BLAH BLAH, VAMPIRE EMERGENCY, BLAH

"I'm a fairy? How fuking lame."

Sookie finally learns what she really is and is underwhelmed. I mean who wouldn't be considering your kind is referred to as "The Old People" and are notorious sex offenders.

After Jason kills Franklin Tara tells him to dig. Jason digs for about 2 seconds then Tara kicks dirt over Franklin's remains while he throws the blood soaked clothes in his truck. Did this strike anyone else as weird? Was this some sort of burial? Or was this Tara just being crazy again? She hates Bill and I don't blame her. He didn't do a thing to help her out. Jason though is in for a whole new world of crazy now that he has told Tara that it was he who killed Eggs. She is going to have some choice words for Andy as well it looks like. Jason can't seem to win and when Bill returns to find Sookie gone he tells Jason he has let him down. Jason has had enough.
He backs Bill off and tells him to get the fuk out of his house and slams the door shut. Great scene by Jason. Bill is forced to leave against his will. "Yeah Sookie told me all about this." Loved to see him fight back like that and trade off his lows.
Sam still reeling from his fight in the bar flashes back to a time when he was a jewel thief. His partner in crime Charlene turns out to be the female "Sawyer" from LOST and double crosses him but not before she tries to find out how Sam gets through all the alarm systems. She finds out eventually when Sam uses his shifting ability to sneak up on her and her boyfriend. Sam gets the drop on them in the buck and ends up killing them both during a struggle. Her shooting was an accident but he straight up smokes the other dude in the back of the head. Like when Keisha takes out Rastaman in "New Jack City"...Rocka Bye Baby!
Boo Hoo Sam you got hustled. You got your money back and a new pair of pants. That's a pretty good day in my book.

While Sam is off walking down dysfunctional memory lane, Laffa heals a thankless Calvin and comments that he and Crystal are a "whole new dimension of trash." Calvin tells Crystal she does not have to love Felton but it is her duty to bare his children to keep the blood lines going. She is not supposed to mix with the likes of Jason.
We eventually see her for what she is when Jason comes into his room and finds a Sex Panther sitting on his rug. Crystal changes from a cat to FOX and all Jason can say is "Mama." I thought this was the best Crystal has looked all season. She finally has a scene where she isn't sporting a fat lip or a shiner. Is it weird that I kept staring at my cat Oshi last night, waiting for her to change into a hot blonde?




.
Jesus and Laffa have their own "Oh mama" moment when they skip juice and pancakes and jump right into the V. We learn that the V affects everyone differently which answers some questions people posed as to why those who tried V didn't get all psychedelic like Jason did. Well Laffa and Jesus sure felt the effects of the high and went on a whirlwind ride through the spirit world. Kept reminding me of the Cypress Hill "Insane in the Brain" video. Sh-t was definitely LocoI was waiting to see Lou Diamond Phillips a.k.a. Chevez Y Chevez from "Young Guns" pop up. Jesus and Laffa have similar familial pasts full of shamans and sorcerers. Jesus's grandfather practiced the dark arts and had big plans for him. His mother hid him away it sounded like and this is why he is so into the protective gods like Jobu and friends. I wonder if that thing we saw in the scenes for next week is him.



My man Hoyt is not into pet names so he ditches Betty Crocker and goes back to Jessica and professes his love once again. Jessica though balks at his advance. Upset he leaves the bar only to have Tommy come out and rub it in. He drops Tommy with one punch but then Tommy shifts and mauls him. Jessica comes to her senses in time to run after Hoyt and see her love being attacked. She puts Tommy trough the uprights and makes Hoyt drink her blood so he can heal. Very intense and awesome.

Tommy looks on like Carl Spackler from the bushes. "Pay no attention to that bush, it's just a bush."



Russel, the Jeffrey Dahmer of the vampire community has set a wave of anti vampire sentiment in motion as we see Bill and Jessica tormented by vandals. Jessica wants to go after them but Bill tells her that she needs to show restraint. Jessica really teeters on the edge of self control and is coming to grips with her urges and what kind of vampire she wants to be. And yes Tommy, I also think her fangs are HOT.


Arlene had the fear of death put into her by Jessica, but she is still more terrified of bringing this baby into the world. She seeks out Holly for some "smushsmortion" juice. I liked when Sam told her his house rules for Merlotte's, "No dancing and No Religion." That Wicken B and her buck teeth freak me out.


Russel picks up Tony on the streets and goes back to his hovel where he pretends to be laying with Talbot. He apologizes and says he will never forgive himself for letting him be so alone at the end. It's one thing to face eternity without him but to not have been there with him at the true death was terrible. He recreates Talbot's death sequence in a way by staking Tony. He tells "Talbot" that he saved him from the world...from himself. He was a fool to trust Eric. He takes solace though in the thought that through this weird recreation and sacrifice he had his chance to say goodbye. Very touching scene albeit in a very morbid and homoerotic fashion. So much love and also so much information. Will he get rid of the jar now or will it go on the mantel like Jack Byrnes's mom. And now we'll meet in Hell, And I shall see you, Nevermore, nevermore, nevermore.


Big episode for Eric. We see him preparing for the likely True Death at Russel's hands by making out his Last Will and Testament. Highlight was when he had to have Yvetta come and sign as a witness. She is pissed that she is getting cut out and Eric sets the record straight as only he can.













Pam is also pissed but for the opposite reason. She doesn't want his windy sh-t hole of a farm. Pam wants Eric to give Sookie to Russel and stop making out with the solution instead of using it. "Your lack of sentiment has always been your most admirable quality do not disappoint me now." Eric's cold delivery was back in force this week. And Pam was a treat as always. "Blah, blah, Vampire Emergency, blah."
Eric once again is featured in Sookie's dream where he tells her again not to trust Bill. He tells her it's her survival instinct kicking in. Well Eric's survival instinct kicks in and he takes the same advice he gave Pam about staying true to form. We see the heartless Eric once again as he throws Sookie over his shoulder and chains her up in the basement of Fangtasia.
In the scenes for next week we see Eric confronting Russel, then Eric in the sunlight and lastly Russel feeding on Sookie. I think Eric has found a way to kill Russel thanks to the pleading and advice from the lovely Pam. Eric is going to use Sookie as bait. He was told by Bill that the effects of the blood only last a few minutes and then you burn. Eric checks it out for himself then I think he tells Russel that Sookie's blood allows vampires to walk in the daylight. Lured in by his curiosity and knowing that the Queen has been keen on Sookie for some reason, Russel feeds on her and goes out into the sun light without knowing the truth about the blood's brief lasting power. Poof Russel goes out like Godrick and Eric is king.
So pumped for...

THE NAKED TRUTH

In their interview with Rolling Stone, the cast of True Blood talk about being naked. Then Alexander Skarsgard proceeded to make the whole room uncomfortable. Us Magazine says: The cast of HBO's True Blood not only strip down for the new Rolling Stone -- they also bare all about shooting the show's racy sex scenes. Says Alexander Skarsgard (who plays sexy vamp Eric): "I don't want a sock around it, that feels ridiculous. If we’re naked in the scene, then I’m naked. I’ve always been that way." "I'm from Sweden, and it's different there," Skarskgard, 33, revealed. "I'm not a prude. I love to be naked. it's kind of liberating." "If it makes sense, I'll do nudity, and it's made sense every single time I'm naked on the show," Alexander stated.

Stay Tuned For Your Evening News

We open the week in the wake of Eric killing Talbot. Eric and Pam need sanctuary from Russel who is surely coming after them. Eric tells Ginger they need to use her house where they will be safe from uninvited vampires, but can't Russel still send in Wolves to bring them out?
Before we get to find out, Eric and Pam are visited by Nan Flanagan and her VLA storm troopers, who seemed a bit overdone in their get ups. She orders one of the soldiers to "silver" Eric. Did it do anything more than just burn him? Was that really effective and or necessary?
She is there investigating the disappearance of the Magister and Eric tells her she need look no further than Russel. The Authority hears Eric's story via Polycom web cams. Eric says he kept quiet because the Authority is only a few hundred years old and he has been waiting a thousand years to get his vengeance for the slaughter of his family. Pam is shocked having never heard this from her maker before.
Eric speaks of days filled with shape shifting jackals and the Conquistadors' wart hogs, letting us know that there are still a great deal of other creatures out there we do not know about. He tells them Russel poses a threat to their very existence.
The Authority initially does not believe his story and detains him and Pam. Nan dismisses Pam in a rather rude fashion and instantly made my list of people who need to get GOT.

It's as if the VLA does not get the old ways of vampires and dismisses just how powerful a guy like Russel can be. They care more about the fact that he donated 500k to the cause. Eric tries to convince them they are making a grave mistake underestimating Russel, much like in Star Wars when Admiral Motti dismisses Darth Vader and his ancient Jedi ways.

"Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerous ways, Lord Vader. Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the rebels' hidden fortress..."

Motti paid for that insolence as will the Authority I feel or at the least Nan, but they do make one correct decision and allow Eric to seek his vengeance. Nan tells him to bring Russel's fangs to the VLA or they will have his. Did anyone else think that 500k was a bit on the light side for a vampire like Russel? Nan did say he donated half a million right? Or was it billion?

Prior to the decision being handed down to Eric, Pam wakes up to find Eric dealing with a bad case of the bleeds after pulling an "all dayer." He prepared Pam for the possibility that he may take the fall for the Magister and tells her she will need to make a vampire of her own. Her time has come. I really do enjoy the bonds between Makers and their "offspring."

Russel returns home to find his beloved in a puddle on the floor. He notices the Viking Crown missing and seems to put together just why all this happened. He later stakes out Fangtasia and has brought Talbot with him in a crystal jello mold. He is incited when it appears to him that the VLA is protecting Eric. He swears his own vengeance before flying off.

Bill and Sookie share a shower, and Bill uses his blood to cure Sookie's vampire hickey. The blood runs down Sookie's leg and into the drain ala the shower scenes from Psycho and Leaving Las Vegas. Bill explains to her that he was keeping the file on her to find out why Eric was so interested in her.









Bill wakes up in the same dream world Sookie visited recently probably because he drank so much of Sookie's blood. Claudine is there and thinks he killed Sookie, but he assures her she is safe. Then drawn in by the same light he sees in Sookie, Bill tries to feed on Claudine but she blasts him. She tells him that they have protected Sookie for a long time and will continue to do so. He asks just what it is that she and Sookie are.

Tommy thinks he has his brother pegged for an old fuddy duddy when Sam reprimands him and Natalie for being too loud. Natalie is the blonde from the bar who was eyeing Tommny last week while he was cleaning tables. When Sam delivers a beat down to Crystal's dad Calvin though, Tommy has a look of admiration in his eye and looked as if he was saying, "maybe this guy and I ARE related afterall."

Outside Merlotte's Tara is greeted by a familiar face. Well not too familiar when you think of what his face looked like after she played mailbox baseball with his head. Jason makes quick work of Franklin using his wooden bullet and just like that he is a bloddly pile of pulp once again. Thank you for playing. Two important things to note here. If Franklin came back, is there a chance Talbot could come back or was he too young a vampire to do so. Does that matter? If Franklin is in fact dead this time, does that mean Eric could use wooden bullets on Russel?

Not sure what will stop Crystals cousin/fiance Felton, apparently he can escape handcuffs and a grip of rope too. T-Dub (these names are amazing) sees Crystal in the police station and surely thinks she is a snitch. Hopefully he puts that puppy to sleep because I'm growing tired of her insanity. Why don't these things just show what they are. Vampires sort of paved the way for stuff like that I thought? It would be like kids being closet Emo's after the Goth crowd went to all the trouble and suffered so much already in the name of sad kids who like listening to the Cure and Pete Wentz and want to wear black nail pollish and spiked boots.

We see Andy has a bag of V in his desk drawer that looks a lot like the bag Crystal pulls out of Felton's pocket after she knocks him out. Is Andy being paid off by the back woods inbreds to protect the Hotshot community? Or is he thinking about taking some V to heal his wounds. Remember he winced with pain and grabbed his stomach right before he opened his drawer showing the V.


Hoyt and Jessica rekindled their relationship a bit after Jessica scares away his girlfriend when she gets a case of the NRF's. No Reason Fangs. Like when us guys used to get NRB's (No Reason Boners) right when the teacher asked us to come to the board and solve a problem. I always just took the zero and stayed where I was. You can't control it sometimes. I feel for ya Jess. I really do.

Jesus shows Laffa his school colors with his Panther tatoo. He initially gives him some story about how its a sacred animal to his people but then changes the story and says it was just a mascot. I think there is more to that tatoo. There are too many dog, wolf, type animals going around. He is hiding something. Ruby uses some of her sons cosmetics and emerges with her "war paint" on. She notices Laffa is shining through thanks to Jesus and remarks "maybe God does love f-gs." Jesus and she say goodbye and are on their way back to the nursing home so Ruby can bless the jello cups.









Hadley loses it as she learns that her little Hunter is just like Sookie. She is scared Sophie Anne and Russel with come after him. It is very likely since Russel read Bill's file which features the article about Earl Stackhouse.

Nan has her "snack" interrupted when she sees Russel make his prime time debut on the evening news. I thought I jumped when Franklin reappeared. When Russel punched through Ron Burgundy's chest I screamed like Talbot did when Bill smashed his ceiling. Speaking of Whore Island how hot are all these concubines the vampires like Nan are pulling down?
Russel tells those watching that he sees no reason why vampires would want equal rights. They drink the true blood and are immortal. Eating people is a tough sell these days he admits, but humans are not close to being equals with his kind. "We will eat you, after we eat your children...Now for the weather...Tiffany?"


WOW! What a finish to a jam packed episode. Almost too many story lines to keep track of hence my delay in getting this recap posted. I didn't even touch on Arlen and her devil child or Tara and the Holly at their support group. I'll wait to see if they develop into interesting sub plots before donating more time to them.