BLAH BLAH, VAMPIRE EMERGENCY, BLAH

"I'm a fairy? How fuking lame."

Sookie finally learns what she really is and is underwhelmed. I mean who wouldn't be considering your kind is referred to as "The Old People" and are notorious sex offenders.

After Jason kills Franklin Tara tells him to dig. Jason digs for about 2 seconds then Tara kicks dirt over Franklin's remains while he throws the blood soaked clothes in his truck. Did this strike anyone else as weird? Was this some sort of burial? Or was this Tara just being crazy again? She hates Bill and I don't blame her. He didn't do a thing to help her out. Jason though is in for a whole new world of crazy now that he has told Tara that it was he who killed Eggs. She is going to have some choice words for Andy as well it looks like. Jason can't seem to win and when Bill returns to find Sookie gone he tells Jason he has let him down. Jason has had enough.
He backs Bill off and tells him to get the fuk out of his house and slams the door shut. Great scene by Jason. Bill is forced to leave against his will. "Yeah Sookie told me all about this." Loved to see him fight back like that and trade off his lows.
Sam still reeling from his fight in the bar flashes back to a time when he was a jewel thief. His partner in crime Charlene turns out to be the female "Sawyer" from LOST and double crosses him but not before she tries to find out how Sam gets through all the alarm systems. She finds out eventually when Sam uses his shifting ability to sneak up on her and her boyfriend. Sam gets the drop on them in the buck and ends up killing them both during a struggle. Her shooting was an accident but he straight up smokes the other dude in the back of the head. Like when Keisha takes out Rastaman in "New Jack City"...Rocka Bye Baby!
Boo Hoo Sam you got hustled. You got your money back and a new pair of pants. That's a pretty good day in my book.

While Sam is off walking down dysfunctional memory lane, Laffa heals a thankless Calvin and comments that he and Crystal are a "whole new dimension of trash." Calvin tells Crystal she does not have to love Felton but it is her duty to bare his children to keep the blood lines going. She is not supposed to mix with the likes of Jason.
We eventually see her for what she is when Jason comes into his room and finds a Sex Panther sitting on his rug. Crystal changes from a cat to FOX and all Jason can say is "Mama." I thought this was the best Crystal has looked all season. She finally has a scene where she isn't sporting a fat lip or a shiner. Is it weird that I kept staring at my cat Oshi last night, waiting for her to change into a hot blonde?




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Jesus and Laffa have their own "Oh mama" moment when they skip juice and pancakes and jump right into the V. We learn that the V affects everyone differently which answers some questions people posed as to why those who tried V didn't get all psychedelic like Jason did. Well Laffa and Jesus sure felt the effects of the high and went on a whirlwind ride through the spirit world. Kept reminding me of the Cypress Hill "Insane in the Brain" video. Sh-t was definitely LocoI was waiting to see Lou Diamond Phillips a.k.a. Chevez Y Chevez from "Young Guns" pop up. Jesus and Laffa have similar familial pasts full of shamans and sorcerers. Jesus's grandfather practiced the dark arts and had big plans for him. His mother hid him away it sounded like and this is why he is so into the protective gods like Jobu and friends. I wonder if that thing we saw in the scenes for next week is him.



My man Hoyt is not into pet names so he ditches Betty Crocker and goes back to Jessica and professes his love once again. Jessica though balks at his advance. Upset he leaves the bar only to have Tommy come out and rub it in. He drops Tommy with one punch but then Tommy shifts and mauls him. Jessica comes to her senses in time to run after Hoyt and see her love being attacked. She puts Tommy trough the uprights and makes Hoyt drink her blood so he can heal. Very intense and awesome.

Tommy looks on like Carl Spackler from the bushes. "Pay no attention to that bush, it's just a bush."



Russel, the Jeffrey Dahmer of the vampire community has set a wave of anti vampire sentiment in motion as we see Bill and Jessica tormented by vandals. Jessica wants to go after them but Bill tells her that she needs to show restraint. Jessica really teeters on the edge of self control and is coming to grips with her urges and what kind of vampire she wants to be. And yes Tommy, I also think her fangs are HOT.


Arlene had the fear of death put into her by Jessica, but she is still more terrified of bringing this baby into the world. She seeks out Holly for some "smushsmortion" juice. I liked when Sam told her his house rules for Merlotte's, "No dancing and No Religion." That Wicken B and her buck teeth freak me out.


Russel picks up Tony on the streets and goes back to his hovel where he pretends to be laying with Talbot. He apologizes and says he will never forgive himself for letting him be so alone at the end. It's one thing to face eternity without him but to not have been there with him at the true death was terrible. He recreates Talbot's death sequence in a way by staking Tony. He tells "Talbot" that he saved him from the world...from himself. He was a fool to trust Eric. He takes solace though in the thought that through this weird recreation and sacrifice he had his chance to say goodbye. Very touching scene albeit in a very morbid and homoerotic fashion. So much love and also so much information. Will he get rid of the jar now or will it go on the mantel like Jack Byrnes's mom. And now we'll meet in Hell, And I shall see you, Nevermore, nevermore, nevermore.


Big episode for Eric. We see him preparing for the likely True Death at Russel's hands by making out his Last Will and Testament. Highlight was when he had to have Yvetta come and sign as a witness. She is pissed that she is getting cut out and Eric sets the record straight as only he can.













Pam is also pissed but for the opposite reason. She doesn't want his windy sh-t hole of a farm. Pam wants Eric to give Sookie to Russel and stop making out with the solution instead of using it. "Your lack of sentiment has always been your most admirable quality do not disappoint me now." Eric's cold delivery was back in force this week. And Pam was a treat as always. "Blah, blah, Vampire Emergency, blah."
Eric once again is featured in Sookie's dream where he tells her again not to trust Bill. He tells her it's her survival instinct kicking in. Well Eric's survival instinct kicks in and he takes the same advice he gave Pam about staying true to form. We see the heartless Eric once again as he throws Sookie over his shoulder and chains her up in the basement of Fangtasia.
In the scenes for next week we see Eric confronting Russel, then Eric in the sunlight and lastly Russel feeding on Sookie. I think Eric has found a way to kill Russel thanks to the pleading and advice from the lovely Pam. Eric is going to use Sookie as bait. He was told by Bill that the effects of the blood only last a few minutes and then you burn. Eric checks it out for himself then I think he tells Russel that Sookie's blood allows vampires to walk in the daylight. Lured in by his curiosity and knowing that the Queen has been keen on Sookie for some reason, Russel feeds on her and goes out into the sun light without knowing the truth about the blood's brief lasting power. Poof Russel goes out like Godrick and Eric is king.
So pumped for...